Karpman has no place in companies
23.10.2023
SOME PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS PROVE IMPOSSIBLE, CONFLICTUAL OR TOXIC. IN MANY CASES, THESE SITUATIONS REVEAL THE SAME CONFIGURATION OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP CALLED THE KARPMAN TRIANGLE. A SCENARIO IN WHICH THE PROTAGONISTS LOCK THEMSELVES INTO A ROLE AND CONTRIBUTE TO CREATING DYSFUNCTIONS DETRIMENTAL TO THEM AND THE ORGANIZATION.
THE TRIPARTITE CHARACTERISTIC OF PROFESSIONAL COACHING
Eric Berne’s transactional analysis describes the “psychological games” at work in our relationships. A key concept of this approach: the “ego states” – Adult, Parent, Child – which are the origin of exchanges that repeat in a similar way.
Another psychiatrist, Stephen Karpman, highlighted a typical relational scenario: the “drama triangle.” The protagonists often play, alternately, three roles: Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. Their interactions are unbalanced, like those that can exist between a Parent (who can be Nurturing-Rescuer or Cruel-Persecutor) and a Child (Adapted-Submissive).
Practically, rather than clearly and calmly expressing their emotions and ideas, as an adult, a person uses one of these roles and leads the other to play a complementary role. A disturbed, codependent relationship is established. Infantilized, locked in resentment and/or despair, the “Victim” is unable to resolve their difficulties. The “Persecutor” devalues them even more. As for the “Rescuer,” they exhaust themselves without enabling the Victim to find solutions. If the Victim does not accept the Rescuer’s help, the latter in turn becomes a Victim. And so, each protagonist engages in a never-ending game of musical chairs.
This is not a temporary communication problem, but indeed a long-lasting situation of miscommunication.
BECOMING AWARE OF THE TRAP
One of the specificities of the Karpman Triangle is that its protagonists are trapped in it without even realizing it. It is a closed system that self-feeds through the role changes that occur within this triangle.
Warning signals, however, are not lacking: recurrent complaints, a cruel lack of discernment, a rupture of trust, repeated negative reactions, a global loss of time, energy, effectiveness. Whether the problem arises between collaborators or, by consequence or transfer, between entire departments, the hypothesis of the Karpman Triangle being in place must be considered.
Faced with such a situation, the first step for the HR manager or the manager is to identify the “drama game” in which employees are – involuntarily – involved. The next step is to make the protagonists aware that no, this situation is not “normal.” It is not a simple communication difficulty explainable by different personalities, but indeed an anomaly from which nothing positive ever comes. This awareness can also be undertaken by one of the protagonists.
EXITING THE TRIANGLE
For the HR manager or any individual outside the relationship, observing a Karpman Triangle in place, the mistake would be to position themselves as the “Rescuer.” There is no need to put on a superhero cape, at the risk of creating a new Triangle! This third party is first a mediator, who does not have to take the place of the people concerned. The entire challenge will be to allow professional relationships to restart on healthy bases.
First, by bringing each protagonist to question their responsibility. What led me to react this way? How did the facts leave room for an irrational interpretation? Did I create this situation? Did I contribute to its establishment? Did I let myself be carried along? The answers will be individual but all will converge toward the solution. To exit this triangle, it is imperative to refuse to play any of these roles!
On this basis, one can help the “Victim” identify their deep needs and clearly formulate their request; clarify to the “Rescuer” the actual needs and areas where their expertise is expected; lead the “Persecutor” to analyze the impact of their communication.
If we speak of external intervention to end a drama triangle, any individual, by being aware of this scenario, can also take a step back and realize that they are an actor in the scenario, and choose themselves to exit it by adopting the only possible life position to achieve it: “Adult.”
Effective tools exist, in particular team training, or individual and especially paired coaching. Nonviolent communication, central to these approaches, will help the employee clearly and calmly articulate their needs.
Everyone benefits. Because exiting the drama triangle ends a tension that paralyzes and weakens employees, teams, and therefore the company.